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I live in the UK and have never posted anything before but I cannot get this from my mind,seeing my mother with a perfect mind, having no control with her bowel movement, the cancer she had was amyloidosis, this eventually effected her main organs, heart, bowels etc., she had been an attractive 78 year old with high standards, she loved playing bridge, dancing, golf and making personal family cards on her computer, She died last August with the last 6 weeks of her life in  hospital & a nursing home, The hardest for my Mom was the embarr***ment of having no control of her bowels, she could hardly walk with water retention and was in a lot of pain, she tried  to kill herself with an overdose but her partner discovered something wasn't right with her and rung 999. it took the crew nearly 2 hours before they could move her  having to get her blood pressure back up. she was taken to a/e Heartlands hospital.It was the diarrhea that was upsetting her most as she was now struggling to walk,knowing this would get worse and wouldn't be able to clean herself up, While I was in A/E Heartlands Hospital with my siblings my mother had another accident and cried out because of this, she was so embarr***ed, I called for a female nurse but they were really short staffed, after sometime a male nurse came to ***ist i asked could we have a female but he said no as there was no-one else available, his English was not very good so I decided to stay with my mom while he cleaned her up, just staying at the top end of the bed with my arms around her, she looked at me and said just look at this i am having my nappy changed by a man, she had another couple of accidents and we were in A/E but we were told  they had not got time to keep changing her, After about 14 hours she was transferred to a high Independence ward, the care there was very good with a nurse (to 2 or 3 beds i think), Fortunately mom did not remember most of the day in a/e as she was still drugged up from her overdose, after 2 days she was put on a ward which was awful, I had to get the bed changed to an electronic one so she could lift her self up after my one sister found her lying on her back because she could not move herself, I also had to get her moved to another bay as there was a women who was crying out "please" all day and night, mom thought AT FIRST SHE WAS IN AN ***LYUM , One night as i was leaving I asked mom would she be having anything else to drink? she said no because one female ***istant had said to her "my god you hum" when she had changed her pad, her urine was so strong because of making too much protein, i DID GO AND COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS TO THE NURSE IN CHARGE BUT SAID i DIDN'T KNOW WHO HAD SAID THIS  after 2 week she was transferred to a nursing home, Things just got worse the home was really nice, she had her own room but  it was automatic that men would go in mostly with female ***istants to change her, she hated this and just wanted to die all her dignity had gone with men changing,  I think more must be done to give patients and family the choice,  to me These male ***istants are  having these jobs because of job shortages where as before women played this role to bring extra money into the home, I wish my Mom never had to go through this and in hindsight she would have been better of if she had succeeded 6 weeks earlier with a drug overdose, this would have also saved the NHS money  if they had just left her, she kept saying a few days later if only I had been left for another 2hours it would have all been over, I was happy as I took those 30 sleeping tablets with a bit of dignity in tact,  for us to see our Mom  go the way she went, she had bed sores on her heels and on her back,  to witness the way she died, she was in pain pulling on her night clothes she still spoke in her sleep and was in pain saying she was thirsty, one ***istant told us to try using a spoon as she could drown if we used a cup, she drank it with no problem the next day we were told  by senior staff not to try and correspond with her, they took the water away just letting us use a sponge on her lips, she had the syringe driver attached to her but she was still in pain,  we were not aware of LCP or told it was called this, I have only realised this since with all the news in the media, I know Mom wanted to die,  it was watching her being cared for by male ***istants some old enough to be her son or grandson, even if there was a female with them as her daughter I felt embarr***ed for my Mom

I have copied some of my search on the web below
Why should female patients lose their dignity all because of equal rights, Nursing homes and hospitals have become gender neutral but you ask anyone would they like to see their mother( or Father) being taken care for by the opposite *** with intimate care tasks . It is common for male nurses / ***istants to bathe, perform intimate procedures (changing pads, urinary catheterising cleaning women’s private parts after bowel movements they should have no contact with female patients’ private parts.
Why should the old have to give up their boundaries and have men helping them with intimate care in nursing home and hospital  
The false ***umption exists that the elderly do not care about their modesty. This could not be farther from the truth. Many families have been shocked and outraged to discover that their family members were bathed by opposite *** nurses or ***istants without their consent. Nursing homes and hospitals need to work to accommodate elderly patients’ wishes for privacy) Cases of ***ual abuse by male nurses and ***istants at nursing homes are in the news frequently.